lapses of loneliness

There were some moments this week that I felt the loneliness that surfaces once in a while.

Take Friday for example, friends invited me to have dinner with them -- me, with two couples. I honestly thought of not going. There are just times that I prefer not to be a third or fifth wheel. But circumstances (read: my stalker from the upstairs unit asked me out again and would have a very good chance of finding out if I'm home) made me have to be out.

The dinner was okay, but maybe I was being too emotional (privately) that I was thinking the two couples were sharing their meals while I had no one to split it with (with a joke to myself that I need someone to split with so I would end up eating half as much as I do now)

Then yesterday after the makeover I had, I was thinking of friends to sms, to meet up, since I was all glammed up. And what did I end up doing? Go to mass and go to the grocery. Alone. What a waste of good makeup.

I don't know what effort I should do to solve this. Cuz it wasn't just this weekend. I've felt it for several times now.

If only I knew what to do...