wanting what you can't have

Today, I signed up for another two years here in my company. Of course, there are some clauses like if my application for permanent residence gets approved, blah blah. And I'm not tied up with the company so bad. I just have to pay them back ten percent of one month's salary if I choose to leave before that two years.

It seems like such a big step, I know. Another two years, wow. Seems long, yet it isn't so bad if you take it in the length of your whole life. What's two years?

I'm trying to follow my brain here. Trying to be practical. I won't be able to realize my dreams if I choose to fly back home. I just can't have everything I want in one situation.

Funny how life works eh? You can't have it all.

... while I'm here I dream of being home... but when I was back home I dreamt of living a more exciting life.
... why does that slice of cake seem so good when you're supposed to be on a diet?
... why doesn't the guy you find cute seem not interested at you when the guy you want to avoid keeps on calling you?
... why won't these expensive stuff stop getting my attention?

Maybe I sound dissatisfied in this moment, but I'm happy where I am right now. But I'm human and sometimes material things tempt me.

I know that this mood will visit me once in a while, but I'd like to think I'm reaching my ideal life little by little.