when did i become an adult?

I know I entered adulthood years ago, but somehow my heart still yearns to stay as a non-adult -- a carefree teenager or an innocent child. I don't really remember when I transitioned (just coined that word) to becoming an adult. But if I do try to trace it back, I' could say it was when I stepped into college. It must have been the extremes of coming from an exclusive all-girls school to the state university with boys, fraternities, every chance to cut class, commuting to school, choosing your own classes. I dove into it, head on, not realizing what a major change it was. I just crossed the bridges I had to take.

I've always considered the decision to take my degree in UP was taking the road less travelled. Maybe that was what made me start growing up. It wasn't just the increased freedom -- it was my outlook in life. I think I started playing a bigger role in our family issues and decisions. I helped out some more. I voiced out my thoughts more. And I think I was heard. Unlike those adolescent stage years wherein you thought the whole world didn't seem to understand you or cared for that matter. People were starting to listen and I realized that I was maturing.

But I thought college was the real world. That was totally underrated. The freedom and responsibilities I had then are totally underrated as compared to the responsibilities I face now. I have to earn a living, pay my rent, pay for utilities, manage my time, manage my finances, plan my future, maintain relationships, do my own chores. And the list doesn't stop there. Everyday is made up of decisions ranging from the simplest to the more complex. You can't take the small decisions for granted as they could pile up and affect your future. And there's the added task of managing leaves to fly home often enough so as not to miss out on the lives of family and friends. Suddenly I constantly hear the terms financial obligations, pension plans, insurance, and benefits. Grown-up words indeed.

Although I am quite blessed with a decent job, a headstart for my career, a chance of being independent. I am grateful for all those. But sometimes the responsibilities that come with the situation I am in chokes me for a minute. Suddenly I have to foresee my future at such an early age. It won't be that easy for me to transfer jobs, move to another country or come back home. There are a lot of implications. I wonder how some people have it easy moving from one job to another. Or deciding to resign to rest for a bit. I wish I had it that easy.

But then again maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. Maybe I'm taking this adult role too seriously.

Although I know I'm not all that adult-like. I consider myself one of the mischievous ones in the office, conspiring with the others sometimes by using the internet during office hours, not going back to the office after an afternoon meeting, and I've even tried exaggerating sickness so I can take the day off.

Maybe I can play adult for now then in time I can go back to being a carefree kid at heart.