Thank You

For the past months maybe I've sounded ungrateful or dissatisfied to the friends I've turned to, during my personal crisis. Not ungrateful to them. Ungrateful in general. But I'm not. I was -- am -- just emotionally unstable now. But it doesn't mean I do not see the good things that surround me. So for this entry, allow me thank for several things:

1. I am thankful to God. No matter what. I trust You, Lord.

2. I am thankful for being here. Even if the past months have been emotionally taxing for me, I could still look back and believe that everything has happened for a reason. I am thankful for all the opportunities that came my way even if sometimes I feel I didn't deserve them.

3. I am thankful for my family and friends who were there for me through thick and thin. Because of them I remain strong (or so I think). That in the worst case scenario I can just choose to fly home and I know my family and friend would welcome me back with open arms.

4. I am thankful that my future is somewhat brighter than if I didn't take this opportunity.

5. I am thankful that I have more than one option right now. And I would just be fine.

6. I am thankful that I still have other things that I am looking forward to. There's life outside work indeed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My Alter Ego

Sometimes I think my "agent" overestimates me. This is the second time she had me go to an audition that I felt like I didn't belong, or felt like Cinderella beside her stepsisters. (But Cinderella ended up prettier than her stepsisters and got the prince.... so maybe that wasn't a good analogy haha) I mean, I'm used to being an extra in commercials, photo shoots and even TV shows. But sometimes she actually has this delusion that I can actually be the main talent instead of the extra. No, thanks, I'm fine being the wallflower.

The first time my agent told me to go to this audition for some TV commercial. I thought it was an audition to be an EXTRA. But when I went to the venue I was surprised to see the photo of Joey Mead on the stack of models trying out. Uuuhhh... Ms. Agent, I think you should have your eyes checked. I'm equivalent to approximately 1.5 times Joey Mead's size. Stop wasting my time. Hahahaha.

Then today she had me go to this studio which luckily was just a few blocks away from my office so I was able to go during my lunch break. I was surprised to see models of Western heritage/Caucasians -- in and out of the main studio. Imagine: foreign lanky male models with too much makeup. Images of Zoolander crossed my mind. If my agent was just there I would have smacked her head. What the hell was I doing there? Good thing I didn't have to go too much out of my way to reach the venue. And since I was already there might as well go along with it. The photography people were the same people I worked with Saturday. So they must be wondering why I was there again. They had to take photos of me, some of them full-height. So goodbye, opportunity. Unless they see something in me that I don't, I wouldn't even think about it. Again, my agent just wasted her effort and my time. It was funny though that they had me fill up a firm and asking about my previous assignments, it would look impressive since they are big-named companies. But they just didn't know I was just an extra in all of them. Hehehe. Sneaky.

But I remember there was that one time I auditioned for the Korean drama. My training from school plays from my secondary school paid off since my impromptu skit apparently worked. The Korean producer actually selected me. He said I would appeal to the Korean viewers. Which was weird cuz when I finally watched the drama, I was hardly seen. A waste of displaying my acting skills. Hahaha. I don't why I had to go through an audition to be cast as an extra.

Yes, not many know that I do this once in a while. To keep my life less boring. To make me do something outside the things I normally do. No regrets. Being just an extra, it provides me a sneak preview of how it is behind those TV and print ads I see around me.

cute... :P

Happy 2nd Anniversary to Me!

Today marks my second anniversary in this company. So two days ago was my second anniversary in Singapore.

Indeed it has been a love-hate relationship.

But I've survived it. So far.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe it's one of those things that you're waiting to get out of, but in the future you'll look back at it and say to yourself, "That wasn't so bad. I think I'm glad I decided to jump into the opportunity."

So how was my anniversary celebration today? The office devil had my head for lunch, haha. As well as the landscape consultant's and the main contractor's, but I was able to recover myself during lunch, blowing off some steam. And she (the devil) was fine again after lunch. I don't think my relationship with her is love-hate... more of indifference-hate. No wonder she's a spinster.... hahaa. I'm so mean.

But going back... cheers to me! Hope the coming year wouldn't be as emotionally taxing...

Getting to Know Me

Some people read all these self-help books but I think these books carry pointers that we already know ourselves. We just see them in writing and they serve as a reminder. It's also like asking for advice from someone else. You ask for advice hoping that person would tell you what you want to hear. You may guess what they will tell you but you'd rather have it come from someone else than just acting on what your own instincts tell you.

During the past few months I've poured out my complaints, depressions, thoughts to several people. Some offered their advice, but in the end I just did what I knew would be the best decision for my situation. So far, things have been better. I don't know for how long, but I'll enjoy it while things aren't so burdensome.

And for the past few days I discovered something about the way I work -- it's just like the way I type. Fast, not perfect, but gets the point across. If you scan through my blog entries I bet you'll see countless typo errors. My sister calls me a dyslexic typist. I don't type with the right fingers. I never learned to do so. But in my own way I type fast, and people still understand me. Or so I think.

Even during my schooldays, I was one of the first to finish those multiple-choice exams, usually not bothering to re-check my answers. There were only those times I marked the numbers I had to get back to. But otherwise, I passed my paper without reviewing my answers. I passed anyway, right? Maybe some would even think it's "passing with flying colors". Allow me to brag. School's been over years ago. I can just laugh about it now.

Workwise, I make several booboos. But I consider myself a fast worker. Sometimes I convince myself a fast learner too. You can analyze what this says about me. I'm no perfectionist. I just do what I have to do. If it inspires me enough, I exert extra effort to do what I could within the constraints of time, knowledge, skills, etc. But if not, I just do things at my own pace.

Take me or leave me.

The Devil Wears... Dorothy Perkins

A good friend of mine gave me "The Devil Wears Prada" for my birthday last year. (Thanks Taz!) I should have know... maybe my friend had a premonition that I would be encountering an evil boss like that.

I might as well call it my biography.

And my movie will come out soon too.

It's just a reminder to me that I'm not the only one in the world with a boss from hell.