Friends and Expectations

Someone once scolded me for having too much expectations on my friends. Although sometimes I have reason to do so, I guess he was right.

I can't expect all my friends to keep my secrets. There are only a few I can count on for those.

I can't expect a friend to value me as much as I value him/ her.

I can't expect all friendships to sustain themselves. People just grow apart. Making effort to keep in contact sometimes just isn't enough. Friends come and go. Maybe they were just meant to touch your life for a short period, for a certain purpose. Then we move on.

But above all these, there are still those certain friends who will stay.

Post-Friends

I've been spending the past weeks catching up on the latest seasons of several US TV sitcoms, as well as tried starting several new ones.

I've already watched halfway through Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, the o.c., One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, My Name is Earl, Grey's Anatomy and Lost. I am postponing watching Prison Break and Heroes when the seasons are either almost over or better yet, when they ARE over so I wouldn't be left hanging.

A couple of the other shows I have started to watch are Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (starring Matthew Perry) and Dirt (starring and produced by Courtney Cox). Although a bit too political for me, Studio 60 has got me hooked due to the lovable characters played by Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford. Sarah Paulson proves to be a splendid actress, as well as the other cast members. Amanda Peet is winning me over as well. A show within a show, the sketches they play in the TV sjow (within the series) is unlike what you see in MadTV or SNL. More politics less pop. But it's the goings-on behind the show that make you just watch it.

On the other hand, Dirt is a more shallow show, focusing on life of the paparazzi in Hollywood. Courtney Cox is a bit too forced of an actress. And that's after just watching the first episode. I'll continue to watch the following episodes though since it entertains me enough and the idea of finding out what happens in a US tabloid is somewhat interested. And hey, I don't have anything better to do at times.

Or rather, I just feel lazy to do anything else but bum around.

Re-focus!

It's just the first month of the year (and only 12 days since I wrote my new year's entry) and I've come to realize that I have re-focus what I have previously declared as my new year's resolution. My emotions were running high at the start of the new year, and I guess my emotions overruled my mind for those few days.

I still stick to the idea of learning to love myself more, but for the first item wherein I stated that I will find out what I really want to do, I've come to realize that I don't have to change jobs to do so. I can still develop my skills outside my full-time job. There is life outside the office, and I will embrace that. Just for the purpose of developing my portfolio, I've started practising my manual rendering of architectural designs, and that way I can develop my form-building, which has been my weak point ever since. For personal development I suppose. I hope it's a good start.

Hopefully once I master that I can venture into computer animation, if I find enough drive to do so. My previous basic knowledge on Sketch-up and Autodesk Revit is catching dust somewhere at the farther side of my brain and I have to reach out and relive those. It needs strong initiative, but I hope I get around to doing so.

I will make a habit of studying books and magazines more, probably make an investment in a good book or two. Study others' works. Remember my lessons during my university days. A professor said that everyone starts out copying somebody else until you find your niche.

So I'll just continue praying that I find the inspiration to do all these. Not to get lazy. And to make the most out of what I have. As for my job, it isn;t my dream job, but it pays for the bills and more. So maybe it's worth staying for a little bit more.

not that i believe in it...

I came across my horoscope (for my birthday) for the year 2007. Again, not that I believe in it but it seemed so coincidental:

It’s important that you run away from your old luck and your existing situations this year. Or else, you would need help from powerful people and you would end up in tears.

There are many stars of powerful help in your central Palace this year. Of course, it’s always good to have people to help you out. Those stars are there to offer serious help, which means the Roosters are seriously in need of help this year.

It is because there are so many unfavorable attributes to your luck that you need so much help from the stars. You also need people to solve problems for you.

For instance, those involved in lawsuits should find a smart lawyer to help you out. Those in poor health should of course need an experienced doctor. Those having family crises should find a counselor or social worker. Those suffering from losses in terms of financial investment should find a financial consultant.

Of course, there are more proactive approaches to life rather than waiting for help. That’s why I say you should run. As long as you are willing to leave, you can still make a fortune with a promising salary review; you can still get promoted or start your own brand; you can still meet the hunks or embrace the hot babes; you can still win the lawsuits or find a good doctor… It’s all possible as long as you are ready to go.

Despite the lack of a star of mobility in your central Palace, the star Yi Ma is hitting your Palace of household affairs real hard. You are encouraged to leave. Your Palace says, ‘No worries; move for luck.’ Those having many quarrels and grudges at home should move home.

There are many unlucky stars in your central Palace, namely Zai Sha, Qiu Yu, Diao Ke and Po Sui. That’s why you have to leave your central Palace. Otherwise, you would feel depressed and pessimistic with tear gland disorder. Those who supect themselves might get involved in lawsuits may pre-empt the destined court case by attending a hearing in a court.

Sheer coincidence? I don't know. I'll just proceed in finding what I truly want to do.

morning thoughts

I'm not a coffee drinker. Coffee sometimes give me migraines, and it reminds me of my college days that I had to be awake for 72 hours straight or I had to keep myself awake for a boring professor's morning class. A bit traumatic too since one terror professor singled me out for yawning too much in class. (okay, okay, he didn't publicly humiliate me but he gave a warning to the class in general and I was guilty since I was seated on the front row and yawning away.)

But the mixed scent of coffee, hot chocolate, toasted bread... provides good memories. Reminds me of mornings when my family used to go to Baguio at least once a year -- when we would prepare a hearty breakfast of sinangag and corned beef or adobo, when we usually don't eat rice for breakfast.

Mornings are usually when everyone's together. When everyone discusses what to do for the day. When you still feel you have a long day ahead of you.

Yup, I've realized I'm a morning person.

anecdote for the day

With all of us Filipinos here in the office back to work from the holidays, we share goodies with our colleagues -- from Boy Bawang to ensaymada to dried mangoes to polvoron.

My colleague sitting next to me is a Muslim, and obviously he only eats Halal items -- meaning no pork or lard. This morning he whispered to me, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what?" I asked.

"Can I eat this?" He showed me a polvoron he was holding.

"Yeah of course!" I replied. "It's just milk powder and sugar."

"But I saw this," he countered. Then he pointed to the fine print that said "pinipig polvoron".

I started laughing. "Pinipig doesn't come from the pig! It's just toasted rice!"

It's just these moments that make me feel better during the dreadful working hours, even for just those few seconds.

auld lang syne

I just learned "auld lang syne" meant "days long past". Before that all I know it's the new year song, which was playing when Moira Kelly and DB Sweeney kissed in Cutting Edge, and when Ashton Kutcher kissed Amanda Peet last minute in A Lot Like Love. Guess I just wanted to give the impression this is my "it's-a-new-year-now-what" entry.

So here it goes.

2006 has been one of my toughest years to date. Maybe if I paid attention to my horoscope when the year started (and IF i believed in astrology) it would have said the year of the rooster and/or people under the gemini sign would have a series of bad luck for the year. It was emotionally tough. But of course it wasn't all bad. There will always be good things mixed in with the bad. I just hope I could say I turned out to be stronger after the past months. Well we'll see. I guess what I learned from 2006 is to not take things for granted, and to be thankful for your family and friends who don't let you down when you're in need.

So with 2006 officially over (Okay, I'm like 7 days too late to say that), I look forward to 2007 with hope, excitement and anxiety.

My New Year's Resolution for 2007 is this: to learn to love myself more.

It seems very broad I know. I did that intentionally. I read somewhere that if you have too much resolutions for the year you won't be able to achieve them, so it's easier to just have one and track it throughout the year.

But I'm cheating actually. The same article said you can have sub-resolutions to support that one resolution so that's what I'm doing. To achieve my resolution I thought of a couple of means to achieve it, both of them relevant to me and what I experienced for the past year and so:

1. Work towards my dreams and not get side-tracked. I spent 2006 stuck in a job I wasn't happy with. I stayed for the wrong reasons and this year is my time to find what I truly want to do.
2. Improve more my lifestyle when it comes to health. I think I was able to address this a bit last year, taking care of my physical activities and disciplining myself (a bit) when it comes to my diet. I will be more focused this year.

And when hopefully I achieve learning to leave myself more, I would learn to open up to others more, gain more confidence in socializing and sustaining relationships. I've been quite a hermit for the past year and I need to work on it.

Phew. My resolution seems quite heavy huh? But since it's just 7 days into the year I'm still a bit optimistic. For the first method I've already updated my resume and applied online to a couple of companies. For the second I've improved my weekly workout. The only difficulty would be to sustain them.

Happy New Year everyone! Cheers!